Anyone reading this who is around my age, should remember 'Saved By the Bell'. It was a US program about a group of school kids. That ran for a few years. I used to love it.

My mate Firth has pointed me in the direction of this website. Basically Dustin Diamond who played 'Screech' is finding it hard to pay his mortgage. He is asking people to spend $15 on a tshirt to save his house. These days Dustin is a stand up comedian, and obviously isn't getting all the bookings he needs.

Unfortunately Dustin seems to have had a bad time of it. He was under eighteen whilst working on SBTB, and his parents seem to have spent most of his earnings. He has recently lost his baby boy due to illness, and this has left poor Dustin with large medical bills.

This is the kind of web project I like, and have promptly bought a tshirt. Its worked out at about £12 after delivery and conversion rates.

Visit his website here

I like others prefer not to sign up for sites. Even after a recent injection in hits due to the rizla thing. I have only had to censer one anonymous post for bad language.

Unfortunately, today some automated system (most likely) or one very sad and bored individual has littered the comments section of my site with links to various websites. Presumably bagging some referral rewards.

So I have had to change some settings and require registration. It's a shame that one individual has spoilt it for the whole class.

I really hate birthdays. I don't really like my own, but I hate other peoples. Its not the day itself, but the run up to it. Firstly I have no memory for information like dates. I have to be reminded by either relatives or my computer of up-and-coming anniversaries.

So I was reminded on Saturday that its my Dads Birthday tomorrow. I'd already arranged to go round on Sunday to see him. So I needed to take something. It turned out not as bad as it could have been. I bought a number of different gifts which made up a reasonable present.

The reason I am mentioning this is the anger that builds up in me buying presents and cards. I hate buying greeting cards. Every single card is horrible. Humorous cards aren't funny, cute cards make me sick, floral cards are boring, and blank cards are dull. I don't send Christmas cards because they're utterly pointless, and do nothing but create revenue for card companies, and royal mail. On Saturday I spent about 15 minutes looking at different cards in my local independent card shop. Every single one was crap. I wouldn't go to the Clintons as I prefer to support local business. So eventually I left with a picture of a sunset in a desert, with some folk on camels.

At this point I popped into Woolworths (only place to buy CD's in town) to buy a CD for my Dad. My annoyance increased ten fold at this point. I was looking at various compilations. My local woolworths has just been refurb'ed, they have a new security device at the door. The security sticker they use is massive. They place one of these stickers on the back of every CD, preventing the customer to see half the tracks on the CD! How can you buy a compilation CD without seeing what’s on the chuffing thing?

I asked the lady scanning things next to me, why they decided to put the sticker over the track listing, "Where do you suggest we put it?" she said. Now, I thought I would much prefer the sticker to be on the front. I don't need to see the picture on the front, but I do need to see the track listing. "I can remove it for you if you like."
"Thanks, but I am browsing a few of them, are you going to take them off everyone?"
I think she presumed at this point that I didn't really want the help she offered.

You know, I would gladly forgo all my presents and cards if I could stop sending them out. Its just the hassle of it all. If I was any good at picking presents I wouldn't mind. What age do you get to, when you can just send a twenty pound note or a voucher, and leave it at that?

Right now I have got that off my chest... You will be glad to know that 'The Domain Registry of America' have sent me a letter reminding me that AdamWelch.Com is coming up for renewal. They kindly offer to renew this domain for me, at the cost of £18/year. That’s nice isn't it. I think I may stick to my other domain registrar though, who merely charge about a fiver. Scamming blighters.

I frequent a forum which amongst other things, has a section dedicated to free items (or very cheap) that people have found out there on the internet. Someone there pointed me in the direction of the Rizla website, the cigarette paper people. They were running a 'pass the parcel' comp. You could fill out the form, with the usual details, and unwrap three layers from the parcel. On my second layer, it said 'Congratulations, you have won... A Vending Machine'

Now this all happened a while ago (May 6th), and in many ways I had forgotten all about it. On Monday I got a card from a courier through the door. Its at this point you start the whole, 'we only deliver between 9 and 5 weekdays' but that's when I work too, so how the hell can I be in the house! They won't redirect it to work, and if i don't get it in three days, they will return it to the sender. Luckily, there depot is close to where a colleague of mine passes once a week. So this morning he picked it up and brought it in. Cheers Paul.

Addressed to Mr Adam, this thing is a bit bigger than I expected, and a lot heavier (16kg). So in fits of girly giggles, I opened the brown paper, and bubble wrap wrapping. I was ecstatic to find a pound in the dispensing / refund slot, and promptly put it straight back in (for two packets of king sized red), so I could open one of the draws. Rather disappointingly, there is no stock inside. So if I want to bolt it on the side of my house, and sell the the public, I will have to buy some packets.

It was at this point, after putting the pound inside, that I realised I haven't seen a key, to open it up. There seems to be no key what so ever. So I decided to pop in a fifty pence piece (for two packets of normal sized green) to check that shoot. Firstly, yet again, there is no stock inside, but equally, no key in the draw.

So this vending machine, so far, is a money eating machine, and nothing else. I can't even mount it on a wall without the key!

I have been on the rizla website again, to contact someone there. I filled out the feedback form, as there doesn't seem to be an email address. Here is what I said...




Hello. I recently won one of the prizes in the pass the parcel comp. I won a vending machine.

I have received the machine this morning, all 16 kilos of it! It's great, thank you very much (although it's clearly second hand), and the pound floating around the inside (which after turning the machine upside down popped out) is a lovely bonus.

I was a little upset to find out that there is no stock inside. Nothing to vend.

However, the biggest problem (and the bit I really want you to read) is that I have no key to access the inside of the machine. I can't fill it with your stock and place it in a public place to start my new business without that key!

The only clue I have to the key number is **** written on the back of the machine in marker pen.

Please help me. The machine is nothing but a large heavy money eating box without a key. I have already lost £1.50 inside!

Myself and other colleagues are currently trying a toilet paper tube method to break in (something we found on the internet), although we're clearly not accomplished thieves.

I do hope you can help.

Mr Adam (which oddly the vending machine was addressed too)

PS. Could you change your feedback form to 18-25 (not 24) years old. 25-34 makes me feel very old.


I got a prompt auto-reply saying...

Dear Roller

Thank you very much for your feedback. We read all the messages we receive regarding our products and website.
However, if you have feedback that requires a response please email urgent@rizla.co.uk, and we'll endeavour to get back to you as quickly as we can.

As always, keep on rollin',


Rizla+.

So I immediately sent the original message again to the urgent address.

Unfortunately, we haven't been able to break in as yet.

I'll update as news comes in...

---

--> Update | Thursday 15 Jun : 11:17
Well after 24 hours, I've not had any reply from rizla+. After a few hours stuffing toilet rolls tubes in the lock, we still haven't been able to gain access. We moved on to pliers and screwdrivers, but all that's been achieved are a few more scratches.

I am going to start looking into phone numbers and addresses for rizla+, and try to contact them that way. So if anyone has any other contact details, or info on how to get them, please, please get in touch.

---

--> Update | Thursday 15 Jun : 11:23
Right. never noticed this at first, but there is a 'About Us' page, which contains the office address...

Rizla UK Limited is a wholly owned subsidiary of Imperial Tobacco Ltd. Registered in England and Wales.

Registered office:
Rizla House
Seven Road
Treforest Industrial Estate
Pontypridd
Mid Glamorgan
CF37 5SP

Company Number:
341329

VAT Number:
GB 134081205

E-mail Address:
rizla@rizla.co.uk

So now its onto 192 (or which ever 118 service) to find a phone number...

---

--> Update | Friday 16 Jun : 10:29
You know, this is really getting to me now. Yesterday afternoon, I tried to ring Rizla+ on a few occations. I found their number via 192.com. Every time I ring (tried once more this morning) it just rings and rings and rings.

I decided that it might be a good idea to fax them instead. So I created a fax using one of the good old Word templates (pdf of fax). But the fax returned an error, so I rang the fax number, and it does exactly the same, just rings.

I have confirmed the UK Rizla+ address by doing a whois search on rizla.co.uk.

Can anyone help me get my key??

---

--> Update | Friday 16 Jun : 18:37
Right, got some good news.

I got hold of the number for Imperial Tobacco, who makes rizlas. The receptionist put my through to Rizla+ marketing. I had a chat with a lady (didn't get her name) who said she was in charge of sending out the smaller prizes, but the woman who did the 'bigger prizes' was in some head honcho meeting and wouldn’t be out until early afternoon. She took my details and said someone would ring me back.

I am an impatient person sometimes. It got to four o’clock and I haven’t been called. I rang IT again and have managed to get through to the lady that sent me the machine. The lovely Amanda should be ringing me back on Monday to arrange delivery of a key. Unfortunately (for her) she had left the office phone forwarding to her mobile, so I caught her at home.

She tells me that there should have been a plastic bag attached to the back of the machine which contained the key. Now it definitely wasn't there. Although I did unpack it in a hurry, I double checked all the packaging for extras.

Amanda told me that it is in fact completely new, but its 'retro'. This explains that the prices are a little bit cheap for today’s rizla+ prices, but less so, the scratches and the pound coin. I suppose they could employ someone to bounce it down a hill, but it seems unlikely. I also brought up the question about the lack of stock. She said unfortunately, that’s normal. When I speak to her on Monday, I am going to see if I can wangle some stock for free, as compensation. A couple of boxes can't cost IT very much money, surely. I am after all promoting her product (I made sure I said promoting rather than advertising, but I am unsure if papers come under the cigarette advertising laws)!

She did point out that there is currently one selling on ebay. As I type it has only had one bid, but it’s a bid of £130. So all in all, I can't complain! Its nice to see what it looks like inside though!

Oh, I did ask one other thing... "I was just wondering, is there a no smoking policy in your office?" She sounded slightly confused, but simply replied "Not yet"!

---

--> Update | Monday 19 Jun : 16:03
Ok, so far today Amanda hasn't been in touch. I have been waiting by my phone to hear the super fury animals sing "I've got a mobile phone, wherever I lay my phone (that’s my home)" but it hasn't rung all day.

Its got to four o'clock so I have rung up Amanda, but it went through to voice mail. AARRGGHH!! I left a polite message asking her to ring me back. I really thought I might get this sorted today.

---

--> Update | Tuesday 20 Jun : 09:31
I've just had a phone call from someone at Imperial Tobacco in Nottingham. I didn't catch the ladies name, as she spoke a little fast. Anyway, she assures me that there should have been a packing slip on the side of the package. Now it wasn't there. I have no packing slip. She asked me to check the packaging. I wish I'd thought of that! On the third time, of insisting there is nothing there, she said they have no spare keys, and will have to see if they can get one cut. She wants to speak to a manager and ring me back. As usual... more as it comes in.

---

--> Mega Update | Tuesday 20 Jun : 14:19

Right, things move fast in the world of Marketing. I have had two phone calls in the last hour. One from the Nottingham lady who says she has found a key, and she will place it in a jiffy bag, hopefully to be delivered to me tomorrow. I can't wait!

I also had another phone call from the lovely Amanda (who apparently had a good weekend) to confirm that I will be contacted by someone else about the key. I said they had already, and thanks for all the help.

It was at this point I felt it necessary to mention about this little story. "I have a little website where I comment on things in the news, or in my life. The thing is, a couple of other websites have linked to me, and I've had a few thousand hits over the weekend" I was some what taken aback when she said "I know, and you've quoted me almost word for word" It seems the folk in the Imperial Tobacco offices, have raised a smile at my little adventure. It seems Amanda and her boss had a little discussion about it! Rather than threaten the lawyers on me, they thought they would like to send me a selection of papers to fill my machine up with! How fantastic is that? I'm sooo pleased.

So, I'm close, but no cigar (I’ve been waiting to say that for days now) but hopefully tomorrow, I’ll be in!

Thanks for all the comments. I will update this as soon as anything drops through my door. I'm so excited…

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--> Update | Thursday 22 Jun : 09:49

Excellent news all. The post person kindly dropped a jiffy bag through my door this morning. Encased within, was a small sealed envelope, and wrapped within that, a compliments slip (signed by Liz) where I found the key. The packaging suggest they wanted to make sure I got this one!

So alls well that ends well. Thank you to Amanda and Liz at Imperial Tobacco, who have definitely gone the extra mile. I’m just waiting for my free samples to arrive now. Then my new business is up and running. I’m quite pleased I didn’t just win a rizla+ thong and sock set now!

---

--> Update | Saturday 24 Jun : 11:23

The postman woke me up this morning at about nine. He has a package too big for my letter box. Unfortunately, the package had royal mail tape all over it, saying 'Found Damaged or Open, and officially resealed'. I do hope nothing has been taken.

I opened the box to find an assortment of rizlas as follows... 20 x Blue (sml), 20 x Blue (ks), 20 x Green (sml), 20 x Green (ks), 20 x Silver (sml) and 20 x Silver (ks) and a compiments slip (not signed). Excellent. So I can only assume that if the postie did steal anything, he must be a rizla red man.

So thats great, and I had just run out of post-it notes as well!

Happy Birthday wishes goes to my Uncle Ken. Hope you have a good day!


Here he is with his own 'As Recommended By' picture, which he sent me ages ago (and I forgot about, sorry). Of course he hasn't missed the opportunity to advertise his own!










KrazyKen.Com

Ok, I admit it. I was on the channel four big brother website, having a look at how stupid people can be, when I noticed an advert. Channel fours website is covered in ads, and I rarely take any notice. However there was something different about this advert. It was a flash animation of about three frames. There was a bad quality picture of a half naked man, then Ians B*****n’ Website, then ‘click for more of me’. Now it was not the content that made me click. No really. It was the terrible quality.

Ians B*****n’ Website appears to be based around Ian, and his ‘friends’. Some might say its much like mine. But Ian likes to feature in his own little home made movies, with his ‘friends’.

However, I don’t think everything is quite how it may appear to be. When I went to this site, I looked at a couple of the videos, then found myself at the bottom of the page. The hit counter claims ‘You are the 00003th dude to visit my website’.

I couldn’t believe that someone like this had the money to be spending on channel four website advertising, especially when it seems to be having such little effect!

After a bit more research, it turns out the counter is a flat gif image, which won’t change, and the public whois database says the website address www.iansb*****nwebsite.co.uk is registered to a lady called Tessa, in central London.

So is it the next cult TV show, or what? I’m confused. Discuss

Piel Island is situated off the southern tip of Walney Island three miles southeast of Barrow-in-Furness, not far from Morcombe Bay. The twenty acre island, donated as a war memorial to the people of Barrow by the Duke of Buccleuch in 1920 is today held in trust by Barrow Borough Council. They are looking for someone to take over the lease of the island, and become its King (or Queen) which is the traditional title given to the landlord of the Ship Inn. There are also six former coastguard cottages, and the 14th Century Piel Castle.

The facilities on the island are fairly basic. There is no mains electricity, water, gas, and no phone. But I am sure its exactly the kind of thing someone is looking for (Danny Wallace?). Anyone wishing to take over the lease can contact Barrow Borough Council outlining their proposals for the island.

More info available here...
Barrow Borough Council Website and Visit Cumbria


Just one off topic thing... Why is the traffic on a Tuesday morning always heavier?

I think Moyles was robbed last night on X-Factor. I'm not a big fan of these singing programs really. I like many only watch the early auditions, as the rest of it is generally rubbish. I have been watching the latest charity one, mainly because Chris Moyles has been involved. I listen to his radio show most days (have done for years now) and I thought he brought a bit of comedy to the proceedings.

Chris' telephone number was changed last night (from 03 to 01) and his previous number was assigned to Matt Stevens. Its was Comedy Dave’s Mum that noticed. To be honest I hadn't.

Take a look at my galleries for some videos of the performances.